I can’t sleep. Everything right this second has gone to shit and I’m in bed on the verge of crying. At nearly one in the morning when I have to be up in 6 hours.
Fuck I wish I didn’t have a brain at night. Things at the pub have bought everything back.
I miss him.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written on here, but as the last few weeks have been pretty rubbish I thought I’d come and write.
Had an absolutely amazing time away with Annabel. I think it’s what we both needed. Was good to just do nothing, spend time in the sun reading and go out and eat nice food and drink lots of free alcohol. The Greeks are so nice! Being away and keeping in touch with the few people I did was nice. It was weird how things got between me and Rob but god, we’ve been friends through so many weird things I think our odd times are allowed.
Kept getting missed calls from a unknown number when I got back which I thought was the pub trying to get me into work. Turns out it wasn’t! On Matt’s 21st I wake up to another missed call a couple minutes earlier from a foreign number. Google the area code, its from Australia. Biggest heartattack but prank the number and seconds later get a phonecall back from him. Was the best sound hearing his voice after 6 months. I don’t think anyone could understand how amazing it was. Yes he was very drunk, yes he has a stupid accent, but I fucking miss my best friend. Ending a text to him with ‘lots of love’ perhaps wasn’t the most sensible of things while he was drunk, but getting ‘love you’ back wasn’t a bad thing. I miss him. But fuck it, I am happy. He is happy. And we have promised to see each other when he is back so I am happy.
Coming home from holiday to find out we are getting new management at work and nobody knows if they are keeping their jobs was definitely not great though. So it’s all a waiting game and everyone is pretty much pooing themselves. Joys. But I am now Nat where the hotel takeover is concerned next year whilst she is on maternity leave which I’m quite happy about! Something to keep me busy assuming I’m still there. It’s good to know that the college have agreed to it though, I must be doing something right!
This week as a whole has been pretty meh though. Tuesday was a horrible day. Wake up to find mum and dad gone to the doctors, and a hour later dads in hospital. Being at work wasn’t ideal. Was very glad to get him home 12 hours later and alive. Fuck A&E for screwing us all around. Just very glad they know what is the matter and are sorting things out next week. Tuesday was horrible. Tuesday I needed my best friends. But they were all out of the country!
And now it’s Saturday night. I’m home from having been at the pub all day. Won’t lie it has been stressful dealing with everyone trying to set me and Stuart up. Got to the point where I’m just agreeing to everything to get them off my back. Wish he was more talkative to either tell them to fuck off or actually talk to me though! Jeez whoever said guys were forthcoming was very wrong. It’s going to be all the same tomorrow and I can’t help but feeling its going to get a little too much all 9+ hours of it. Oh well.
I don’t think any of this is a good idea but talking to you has made me realise how happy and good I am. I don’t like knowing you’re missing home and how unsettled you are. I need to stop thinking about it and go to sleep. But yes I do miss you. Just not like before.
this year has finally come to something good after all the horrible horrible stuff at the start. uni is nearly finished and even though i know i havent worked hard i hope it went ok. and im actually looking forward to next year, and i am so so looking forward to graduation. work is good. i feel so much part of the team now and we’re having fun sorting it staff celebration week, and planning the summer party.. love work parties! and as the trial shift at the pigs went so well lastnight i now have a new job that i start saturday which will be fun! plus it means that sundays wont be boring anymore and there will be more money coming in for over summer and to go into savings for the big plans next summer!!
i have found the tour i want to go on, so its time to start saving properly. 32 days away from here is better than anything.. and then hopefully a week or so in canada aswell, then come back for graduation and to get on with the rest of my life.
im excited for the first time in a long time, and it took a stranger to make me realise. so thank you stranger, and maybe when youre back from america youll prove some more things to me!
ohh and the dream i had lastnight would have been so perfect had it of been real and i didnt wake up and yuppp.. damn you ha.
casual conversations with strangers ending up in them knowing more then they should probably know about you what with them being likely to now want to talk to you at uni whenever you next see them. awkward.
but thats because im happy, and the one thing ever stopping me from being happy is not the forefront of my mind 24/7 and yeh i hurt but im happy.
i cant wait; to finish uni in 6 weeks, to go to london next week and go to 2 concerts, to plan a holiday with holly in july, to have nats hen party next month and have a fab time with the girls, to have beach trips after work, to have laid back evenings in the garden with friends, to spend time with people i havent spoken to since college, to have the slightest glimmer of hope that i might see your face in summer, to go back to uni in sept knowing im 24 weeks to finishing, to do christmas recruitment at work, to have some sort of plan for new years eve - wherever it may be - to finish uni next year and do well, to have the best pre graduation day with the girls and boys, to have an amazing graduation and after party, to go travelling for 6months to a year and to get on with my life.
i really have to get some skills for work done before tomorrow, but everything is seeming more appealing right now, even cleaning my room.. guh. and i need to go get petrol but dont want to till dads looked at my bonnet and ive made sure the light isnt flashing on my dash anymore. and i want to look for my future.. i dont know what to do.